Computer (and computer related) Jokes

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Submitted by Woody on Sat, 03/20/2010 - 08:16

I thought it might be fun to share some computer related jokes with everyone, and invite you all to reply with your own.

Most of these jokes are pretty bad, but I think in most cases that adds to their appeal.

I should also point out that I didn't write these myself; many are taken from magazines and a few are borrowed from friends.

So, without any further ado, here they are. I'll start things off with a few quick ones....

Q. What do you call a man with a network on his head?
A. Alan

Q. How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. It's a hardware problem.

Q. What do you call a hotel without windows?
A. A DOS house.

Q. What's the definition of the x64 version of Windows Vista?
A. A 64-bit version of a 32-bit extension of a 16-bit patch of an 8-bit operating system originally written for a 4-bit processor by a two-bit company that can't handle one-bit of competition.

Q. What did the landlord say when the font walked into his pub?
A. “Get out! We don't want your type in here.”

Two bytes walk into a pub...
The First byte says, “I think I've got a parity error.”
The second byte replies, “Yeah, now you mention it, you do look a bit off.”

Two geeks are talking in a bar after work...
“Guess what,” says the first. “Yesterday I met this incredibly gorgeous woman at this very bar.”
“What did you do?” the second asks.
“Well, I invited her back to my place, we had a few drinks, then she asked me to take all her clothes off”
“You're kidding me!”
“No,” replies the first geek, smiling, “I stripped off her skirt and lifted her onto my desk next to my new laptop.”
“Really? You've got a new laptop?”

I have a few more I can post too if people are interested, but it'd be great to see some replies to out do the stuff above (shouldn't be too difficult)...

I hope that raised a few smiles anyway.

Paul

~ Woody

Sic semper tyrannis

Jokes and Humor

Q: What does a blond to avoid

Submitted by HammerFall on Fri, 09/10/2010 - 09:37.

Q: What does a blond to avoid her computer crashing?
A: She puts him (male computer ^^) on the floor.

I hope I didn't hurt any blonds in this forum and you can do this joke with any other person so the blonds are just an example.

loved the last one :)

Submitted by Dj Neta on Thu, 07/01/2010 - 04:12.

loved the last one :)

A man calls his computer

Submitted by Vortex on Wed, 06/30/2010 - 22:42.

A man calls his computer manufacturer's customer service and says:

"I'm having a problem with my computer"
"What seems to be the problem?" the customer service rep says.
"Well I seem to have broken the cup holder."
"Cup holder? Sir, is this a prank call?"
"No, I'm serious! Usually when I press the button on my computer a cup holder comes out of it. I placed my coffee onto it one day and it broke off."

I love the x64 vista one, it

Submitted by DagenhamDave1 on Wed, 06/30/2010 - 16:14.

I love the x64 vista one, it made me laugh my ass off.

lol, I expect that one will

Submitted by Woody on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 07:55.

lol, I expect that one will be lost on quite a few people. My Software Development lecturer told that one once during a lecture... great stuff.

(No subject)

Submitted by Rodney Reynolds on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 07:41.

Regards, Rodney Reynolds (www.Support3GM.com) www.RodsRig.com

(No subject)

Submitted by Rodney Reynolds on Thu, 03/25/2010 - 11:34.

Regards, Rodney Reynolds (www.Support3GM.com) www.RodsRig.com

Have to remember to hit a few

Submitted by Rodney Reynolds on Wed, 03/24/2010 - 06:25.

Have to remember to hit a few of those new ones in the upcoming days.

Regards, Rodney Reynolds (www.Support3GM.com) www.RodsRig.com

As promised, here are some

Submitted by Woody on Tue, 03/23/2010 - 15:52.

As promised, here are some more bad jokes. I'm sure I do know a few that are actually quite good, but my memory fails me....
Some of these are old and, again, the quality (read lack thereof) is roughly on par with those previously posted.

This first one is not exactly computer related, but I like it all the same:

Two atoms walk into a bar.
“Damnit!" exclaims one, "I just lost an electron!”
“Are you sure?” the other atom replies.
"Yes," says the first, “I’m positive.”

Why do computer programmers get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

Did you hear about the computer programmer who got stuck in his shower for a week?
The instructions on the shampoo read "Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet shop with the intention of buying a monkey.
"What's the price of that one in the window?" he asks.
"That's $1000 sir," replies the shopkeeper.
"Wow!," exclaims the man, "why so much?"
"It's an expert in Visual Basic."
Impressed, but looking for something cheaper, the man sees another monkey by the store's counter: "How much is this one?"
"That one is $3000 sir," answers the shopkeeper.
"What on earth can it do for that kind of money?"
"It's an expert in C++." says the shopkeeper proudly.
Still hoping for something cheaper the man spots a third monkey towards the back of the shop.
"What about that one?" he asks.
"That monkey is $5000"
"Five thousand dollars! What the hell does this one do - write in assembly language?"
"No, sir. To be honest I've never seen him do anything. He just calls himself a project manager."

And another one... Hurry up..

Submitted by Rodney Reynolds on Tue, 03/23/2010 - 11:00.

And another one... Hurry up.. get more ;)

Regards, Rodney Reynolds (www.Support3GM.com) www.RodsRig.com

Hey Rodney, I just saw the

Submitted by Woody on Mon, 03/22/2010 - 14:42.

Hey Rodney, I just saw the video on YouTube; it put a smile on my face when I saw you'd used one of the jokes I'd posted.

I'll try to dig out some more computer jokes and post them here soon, though I can't guarantee they'll be up to the same poor standard as those above....

Cheers,

Paul